The title of this post refers to the hunger for success, and alludes to a situation I have been dealing with at work and am having a hard time letting go. I feel that I need to understand the situation before I can let it go and therefore I will start recording this issue in this blog and in that way I hope to it out of my system. These rants relate to personal finance in that it affects my attitude to earning more money.
I would to set the scene: I work for a international company at their headquaters and in my work I have to work with people for all sorts of different backgrounds and cultures. Now since I've been exposed to an international environment from a very young age this does not bother me, and I do consider myself very flexible when it comes to other people. Well just over a year and a half ago I was working in a team of about 10 people when a lady from Jamaica joined us. Let's call her Emma. She appeared to be a very beautiful, intelligent, well spoken, quiet and serious lady. Emma appeared to pick up the job very quickly and did not readily involve herself in the frivolous antics of them team. She would take every opportuntiy to ask questions about the job and would ensure she wrote down the answer. we were all very pleased to have her as part of the team, despite her reticience to join in our attempts to lighten the spirit in the office. Then slowly after time she started joining in the conversations and bulding relationships with the other team members. At the time I was one of the longer serving team members and everyone in the team would come to check their question with me, including the new manager. I was the team mentor and the manager's back up, however it is important to know I did not mentor Emma.
Then as she began to realise that I would alsways give her a full answer to her questions, whereas the other team members did not always know how to answer her questions, she started coming to me and adopting me as her mentor. She did this by flattering me and she tried very hard to become friends with me, even offering to walk with me on my way home, which meant she would need to walk 20 minutes instead of 10 to get to the strain station. We seemed to be bulding a freiendship, albeit rather quickly. During these walks she would tell me about her personal situation and as she eventually filed for divorce from her husband, these conversations were quiet personal. More personal than I wanted them to be, however I got the sense she needed someone to talk to.
Then one day, while our manager was away on holiday and I was back them up, this girl started being awkward towards me and eventually stopped talking to me. I only found out why many weeks later and will now share both her version and my own version of this story below so that you may make your own conclusions:
Emma - During the few days that I was backing up the manager, it was announced by our director that one of our team members would be leaving us (he had been fired). That day Emma told me that she was worried about her contract as it seemed as though alot of people had been leaving lately and I told her not to worry as each case was different, there was no general trend. It was more a co-incidence that alot of people left the department that month. However, after that the director and I were discussing how the team had received the information and he asked me if anyone had any particular worries and if I thought he should maybe go and reassure them. I mentioned the conversation that I had with Emma, so the director spoke with her to reassure her that she needn't worry about her contract.
According to Emma, the fact that I spoke to the director about her worries was what annoyed her. She saw at as me dimishing her in the eyes of the director. She took my actions as a betrayal and told me that everyone is ambitious but not everyone has to step over other's bodies in order to grow.
Please would you share you opinions about Emma's opinion to me, as I'm not sure if I'm being obtuse or not, but I found it strange.
My version - Up until that day before the incident described above, Emma had received praise from all angles on how good she was as an employee. How happy we were with her, that she was the best our her training group etc. Several months after she started we hired an American guy, who was also very serious about his job, so much so that he would come in early, do nothing but work until lunch, take his lunch and then leave late at night. The few days before my manager went on holiday and the several days before this evident, he was handling the work that would normally require 3 people to handle. So the incident I believe caused the issue with Emma is, I asked this guy if he was okay or if he needed any help from anyone else in the team. He said no, so I told him I thought he was doing an excellent job, thanked him and asked him to let me know if he needed any help. When I sat down at my desk Emma stood up for a chat and I made a comment on how well I thought this new guy was doing and she quickly returned to her own desk.
I believe I stood on some toes with Emma, by reaconizing someone else's work to her.
Again, I'd appreciate your comments on this situation.
I will break the rant here as I feel you have enough spelling mistakes and rambling sentences to deal with.
Dealing with the Hunger
April 27th, 2008 at 11:56 am
April 27th, 2008 at 01:02 pm
First of all, I don't think you did anything wrong.... I think you were only concerned with being professional and treating all the "newbies" fairly and equally.
None of us can be responsible for how other people perceive our actions or indeed ourselves as people. How we perceive life determines whether we are happy, sad, optimistic, pessimistic, confident, insecure... etc
Basically I think Emma is a bit insecure... which is totally understandable:
She has just been through a divorce... which can shake anyone to the core.
When u say she is Jamaican, I presume you mean she is actually from Jamaica and not Jamaica-American. Therefore she has to learn to live in a whole different culture- and not be overwhelmed by the opportunities available in America compared to in Jamaica.
Every "newbie" naturally feels insecure in a new job unitl they find their feet.
Emma really respects you and admires your emperience and knowledgle. She also wants a successful career. She deliberately chose to build a friendship with you because she wants to learn from you and emulate your achievements. Sharing with you about the divorce was a genuine plea for understanding and friendship. I know you may have thought that it was a bit unprofessional... or in other words, you didn't want a close personal friendship with her and wanted to keep things professional.
Any newbie can be hypersensitive to criticism - especially if they really care about the job. Emma was definitely offended by you telling the Director she was worried about her own contract. She felt you had gone behind her back and betrayed her. This may be down to her societal and cultural upbringing in Jamaica... she may see the Director as a School Teacher who she is always trying to get an A from and less as a real human being except he is higher on the career ladder. Again she was put out by your praise of the new American man... She felt you had dumped her as your potential "protege".
Please note that these feelings of betrayal were created by Emma herself. You did not intend to betray her at all. In relation to the Director, you thought a chat with the Director would set her at ease. In relation to the new American guy, you were merely stating the obvious- he is a hard worker.
At the bottom of this are two women who are intelligent, good at their job and eager to grow professionally. It is just that the more inexperienced one is a bit insecure and has a bit more work to do on her social skills in the work environment (btw, like myself !!).
Sorry if I seem to just be stating the obvious. I think this problem can be quickly overcome. The longer you let it fester, the more difficult it will be to repair. Emma feels as if she tried to befriend you and now you have disowned her for the new kid on the block. I suggest a friendly coffee after work with Emma. Maybe a lunch out in the next week or two. Just a chit-chat about the world in general so that she feels that the two of you can be least half-friends.
Remember she chose you for your excellence at, knowledge and command of your job..... it's a compliment !!
:-)
hope this is helpful