As I have emphasized in my previous posts, I am determined to pay off our CC debt by March. However, like most couples my BH and I have differing points of view when it comes down to how we spend or save our money.
When we first started living together, we could hardly ever discuss financial issues, as it would always end up in us fighting over mis-communications. Once we realised that BH was very nervous about discussing finances, as he had experienced various problems with them in the past and because of trust issues that existed between us, we were then able to build up a healthier manner of communicating about finance. We keep our finances in seperates accounts, however, I basically do all the bugeting and ensure that the right bills are paid at the right time etc. Any money that we do not need for bills is then up for discussion between the both of us.
Now, he likes to have nice things ( nice things = expensive, big brand name products), whereas I have always been a functional person who occasionally will splurge on nice things if there is the money for it. However, as we have been very strapped for money since we've been living together I have increasingly more brutal with my commitment to purchasing only functional items and reducing our monthly bills. However, I have been unable to say no to his wants and as I mentioned earlier, his wants can be quiet extravagant.
So finally, after months of talking to him about frugality, net worth, saving, investing and my financial goals, I have slowly started winning him over to the idea that we should be doing more with our money than spending it on immediate wants. However, there is still alot of work to be done, in the meantime I am trying to siphon the extra I can off of the top of our budget in order to achieve my financial goals for us.
This month, I have found that we have some money left over after all our bills, not as much as I was hoping as we have brought several items which were not budgeted for. As I have kept this extra money in my account, and he never looks at my account, he does not know. Infact I have lead him to believe that we are strapped for cash and even managed to say no to one of his wants this week, without caving and telling him about the money.
This puts me in the moral dilemma, as I would love to keep this extra money to pay off the CC, however I do not like to lie to my BH, nor deny him his wants if we can afford it.
The morality of the choice of frugality...
January 19th, 2008 at 01:21 pm
January 19th, 2008 at 04:07 pm
I think it's really great that your efforts to get him to view how money's spent in a different way may make a difference with him. That's great! I imagine it is very difficult to change someone's way of thinking about money if they have grown up in a certain way, living paycheck to paycheck, or whatever. Keep at it!
January 19th, 2008 at 10:02 pm
I am a big believer in separate finances, but also, for both partners to be on the same financial page. I realize this is much easier said than done, but for people trying to have a meaningful relationship together, I think this is absolutely crucial....
I also think it's admirable to feel unsure about what to do with your extra funds. This means that, deep inside, you are a honest person, and that's a wonderful thing.
However, I don't think you need to feel bad. People who have separate finances are allowed to manage their own little emergency funds, for example, or pay down debts, as financial health ultimately benefits both partners.
It wouldn't be something I would take lightly, because I think there is indeed a fine line between managing money for greater good and hiding money from your partner. But if that's what it takes to move your lives forward... then I say, "So be it."
January 20th, 2008 at 06:08 am
January 20th, 2008 at 08:30 am
Broken arrow, funnily enough I never did compere my situation to yours, although I have read you blog often. Made me really think how important it is to align our financial outlooks. So I'm going to keep trying.
After reading Fern's comment I fet like I had just been punched in the face. Not because it was harsh, or a personal attack. But because I had put my financial situation out there and here was someone judging it. That is the first time that has happened, and I want to thank-you Fern, you made me realise that things have to change.
So I spoke to my BH and confessed what I was doing and why and he completely understood. I'm still going to have to watch him but I think we are both taking steps in the right direction to build a better financial relationship.
January 20th, 2008 at 02:17 pm
I guess i do feel that if we offer up information about what we're doing here, financially, it's sort of an invitation to comment on it in a forum like this. I actually want people to do the same with my posts becus that's what makes this place so helpful...getting perfectly honest, unbiased opinions.
You seem like a very ethical person, which is admirable, and yet, staying in good financial "health" is so important, that i was trying to say why i thought it was all right if you applied the extra $ toward your bills. I didn't think you should feel guilty (although I understand why you might).
Anyway, please don't take offense at my bluntness. I should have said it a different way